2011: Year of the Nerd

Wtf is going on?  

Year of the Nerd:


- Caltech won its first conference game in 310 games. They took a break from studying the 4^th dimension and ending world hunger to beat Occidental 46-45 (what is this? A girls basketball score?)


- Butler basketball coach Brad Stevens (who bares a striking resemblance to Rick Moranis from “Honey! I Shrunk the Kids”) lead Butler to their second consecutive Final 4 appearance, making Butler the first team from Indiana to do so (Not Indiana, Purdue, or Notre Dame)

- Landry Fields, graduate of Stanford (they have those in the NBA?), proved himself to be a major part of the Knicks’ efforts this year… Just disregard their record since Melo joined the Knickerbockers.

Not Year of the Jock:


- Miguel Cabrera gets arrested for driving while crunk and looking like a giddy school girl in his mugshot.


- Tiger Woods continued to show us that when not one woman on the face of the planet wants your piece anymore, you’re not a true athlete and you suck at your respective sport.


- The Fredette-Davies duo was foiled by some fornication and a Mormon code that forbids sex, cursing, and mocha frappuccinos...damn caffeine.


- Lawrence Taylor is put on probation for having sex with a 16 year old prostitute and Mark Sanchez hooks up with a 17 year old at the club. Next on the menu, A-Rod hitting on Rebecca Black.

Happy Birthday MC Hammer!

MC Hammer is 48 today.  Happy Birthday big guy, still no one can touch you...except maybe Marky Mark who loves to just Feel It! Feel It!

Cut the Crap #7- Jorts

I’m just throwing this out there to help out my fellow brethren. Do not wear Jorts (you see what I did there, I combined “jeans” and “shorts”). I know jeans are the perfect leg-wear for almost any climate, but when you take off the bottom half of the legs, you turn into a tool. Whether its Gucci shorts, jorts that were once jeans, or the infamous bjorts (black+jean+shorts, pronounced be-YORTS), wearing them makes you look like you belong on COPS, sporting a wolf t-shirt and a dirty trucker hat, and living in a house on wheels. There are so many other options of summer pant-wear to chose from. Basketball shorts are casual and comfy, cargos may have inhibited hand jobs since Nam but they’re better than jorts, and the pastel Bro shorts are also infinitely better, just to name a few. 


The only people that should be allowed to wear jean shorts are women (see Jessica Simpson in The Dukes of Hazard).

-Mr. Brightside

The Lamb Shake

Forget the John Wall, forget the dougie, and forget the bernie because the Lamb Shake is where it's at right now. This move is about to take off in clubs everywhere if UCONN wins a couple more games and Lamb's doing this thing with a piece of Reliant Stadium's net in his hand. Jeremy Lamb is killing it up at Storrs as a freshman, both on the hardwood and on the dance floor. Brandon Knight and Kentucky better watch out because who knows what kind of head fakes and crossovers this kid can pull off in the lane with dance moves like that at his disposal.

I Owned Tom Brady's Shit on the Wonderlic

I can’t run a faster 40 than Jahvid Best (4.35). I can’t bench more than Vernon Gholston (37 reps at 225). Nor do I have the ups of Donald Washington (45 inches). 


I scored higher on the infamous Wonderlic Test (43 out of 50) administered at the NFL Combine than each of them as well as  Eli Manning, Tony Romo (I get it, his name rhymes with homo. Enough already), Steve Young, Tom Brady, John Elway, and Troy Aikman. Fun fact, I got 7 times Vince Young’s score. So, when does my million dollar signing bonus come in the mail? Maybe I can’t keep up with any of them at the combine, but at least I do have the upper hand on one of the combine’s challenges. Hit up this site to take the test for yourself, see what some of the big name players scored, and to read some other cool shit about this test (the test only takes 8 minutes, give it a shot).

-Mr. Brightside

COME ON, COME ON, COME ON!

We get it Mark, you're jacked.  Put a shirt on, please.  God bless the person who told Marky to stick to acting.  Is there footage from The Fighter in here? I wasn't sure.  Anyone want to bring back the "humping the ground" dance move?

Cut the Crap #6 - Walking on the Right Side

I've had a lot of requests to get this issue out in the open, and I couldn't agree more.  I guarantee all of you had experienced this grotesquely annoying problem:

Move to the right damnit!

You're walking around campus, maybe jamming out to some quality music, and then someone starts walking directly towards you from the other direction.  Now, being an intelligent and level-headed person, you are walking (correctly) on the right side of the path.  But this guy just comes strolling along at the speed of a hyena with no signs of moving to the other side.  Then comes the awkward moment when he finally sees you and he does this sort of awkward indecisive shuffle with his feet, and you barely avoid a full-fledged tackle in the middle of the pathway.

What is it with these people?  Is it not Walking 101 to always walk on the right side of a pathway/sidewalk?  And don't even get me started on the people who decide to use the left door when the right door is perfectly available to pass through.  It just screws up the entire system until someone comes along with enough stones to end the chaos and open that damned right door.

Cut the crap, uneducated and absent-minded people.



-Major

Dance-off!!

Who wins this stadium dance off? The creepy Ottawa Senators fan jamming out with his bro to a little Rebecca Black, or the kid going bonkers at the Celtic's game after he had his first beer. No matter who you pick you still have to give props to the kid who gets up from next to his mom and starts absolutely tearing shit up in his section, working the crowd like a champ. That must have been really weird for him once the song was over and he went back to just looking like that kid from All That.

A Fight We'd Wanna See

                     VS.






Why We Wanna See It: This is a classic "win-win" situation.  You have two artists who no one wants to ever listen to ever again.  The result of this fight (hopefully a couple busted vocal chords) can only make the world a better place.  

Who Wins: Rebecca Black will take the cake in this fight.  As much as screaming thirteen year-old girls don't want to admit it, Bieber is kind of a pussy.  Black would win with a quick KO, Kimbo Slice v. Pink-Hair Man style.  And if she was being indecisive about where to punch Justin, Usher's dad could come to save the day.  Biebs only has Usher.  

-Major

NFL Lockout - Potential Rule Change #2

Continuing with the changes i would make if i were the commish, here's #2.

Change the overtime. Change it to anything but what it currently is. I would even be in favor of making the kickers fight UFC style for three rounds in order to decide a winner. Anything is better than the poppycock we have now. Whatever the change is, someone notify Donovan McNabb of it please.

-Mr. Brightside

Baby, It's Cold Outside...

It's spring and I want it to be warm so I can toss the friz outside without worrying about frostbite for Christ's sake.  Bring on the summer sun please.

Today's Forecast (Almost April?!) for Chestnut Hill, MA:

http://thefuckingweather.com/?zipcode=02467

Adam Morrison Has A Ring and LeBron Doesn't

How funny is this?  Adam Morrison, former Gonzaga Bulldog and Charlotte Bobcat, has a championship ring and "King James" doesn't.  Such as slap in the face for #6, right?  It's beautiful.

If Mascots Ruled the World...Part Deux

2-2 after the first four games ain't too shabby for picking these games using zero basketball intelligence.  I guess blue devils aren't as bad-ass as I thought (should've known), and apparently these are rabid huskies with a pack leader that no one is going to stop.

Let's see how todays games will pan out, once again, based on mascots alone...

(11) Marquette Golden Eagles v. (2) North Carolina Tar Heels

- Let's see, a bunch of guys with thick, sticky tar stuck to the bottom of their shoes versus a team full of vicious, swooping birds of prey.  Just doesn't seem fair does it?  Marquette by 3.

(12) Richmond Spiders v. (1) Kansas Jayhawks

- The jayhawk is quite possibly the most unthreatening creature known to man.  What kind of mascot smiles?! It's why Kansas perennially chokes.  Those birds have no fight or aggression in 'em.  When I think spiders, I think of spider bites, venom, and Tobey Maguire.  While Tobey may not exactly emulate aggression, I like Spiderman versus a fruit loops parrot wannabe any day.  Spiders by 4.

(4) Kentucky Wildcats v. (1) Ohio State Buckeyes

- I will not make the mistake of underestimating these glorified house-cats again.  Not that the buckeyes could ever win in a competition of mascots, considering a buckeye is a type of tree.  Wildcats scratch these buckeyes all night long.  Kentucky by 8.

(11) Virginia Commonwealth Rams v. (10) Florida State Seminoles

- This is hands down the matchup of the night.  Raging Indians (Native Americans, sorry everyone) versus raging rams.  If seminoles could take down buffalo, then I'd have to believe rams wouldn't be any different.  I'll have to go Seminoles in a close one, with a lot of losses on both sides. Florida State by 2.

Notre Dame "Fighting" Irish For a Reason

People are reacting to this NFL lockout in many different ways. I use it to bitch about what is wrong with the league. Chad Johnson decides to lace up and try out for an MLS team. Tom Zbikowski, yes the deadly returner and safety during his time out at Notre Dame who is currently with the Baltimore Ravens, is stepping into the ring Saturday night in Atlantic City as he looks to become 3-0 in his professional boxing career.  My question to everyone is, who would win in a fight between Tommy Zib (see his last fight here HERE, spoiler alert: first minute knockout) or the most over-hyped backyard brawler turned UFC fighter, Kimbo Slice. Keep in mind Kimbo lost to a guy with pink hair in 14 seconds (see HERE)?

-Mr. Brightside

The Club Can't Handle This Bro

It's true: No club could possibly handle this kid.  Talk about making a great song even better.  Enjoy the weekend everybody. Go Spiders!

Bye Bye Duke

http://www.diddukewin.com/

Did this link make anyone else's day?

Props to Derrick Williams for choosing the Sweet 16 against the Dukies to drop a career high 32 points. 

Random 90's Athlete of the Day: Eric Moulds

Moulds is one of the greatest players to ever lace ‘em up for New York’s third team (the only one really in New York). After three years at Mississippi State in which he tallied over 2,000 yards and 17 touchdowns, Moulds bolted from Starkville, Mississippi and entered the NFL draft.

Moulds was picked up 24^th overall by Buffalo, and the rest is history. Moulds was named All-Pro twice, went to 3 Pro Bowls, and was named to Buffalo’s 50h Anniversary Team, not bad for a late first round pick.

        
 Moulds was a consummate professional. The complete opposite of the man selected first overall in 1996, Keyshawn, or MeShawn, Johnson. Mould went to work everyday, caught touchdowns, and went home.  He didn’t have any of the off field shenanigans that Keyshawn had, and as a result Moulds remained under the radar.

Interestingly enough, in roughly the same amount of games, Moulds recorded 764 catches, 9,995 yards, and 49 scores, while Keyshawn recorded 818 cathces, 10,571, and 64 scores. Not as far apart as you would think given their name recognition. Moulds reminds me a lot of the man drafted at 19 in the same round, Marvin Harrison. Both guys were pro's pros.

Moulds formed a deadly 1-2 punch with the burner out of Knoxville, Peerless Price. Moulds and Peerless Price spread out wide with Doug Flutie behind center led the Bills to a couple of their most successful seasons in recent memory. They made back playoff appearances in 1998 and 1999. They  haven't made it back to the big dance since.

Moulds finished up with stints in Houston and Tennessee, but he will always be remembered as a Bill, it just looked wrong seeing him with that strange looking bovine creature and then that asteroid with a "T" on it on his helmet.

-The HoundDog

If Mascots Ruled the World...

My picks for the first four Sweet 16 games tonight...based on mascots alone.

(2) San Diego State Aztecs v. (3) UConn Huskies

- Close matchup, but in the end human intelligence prevails.  Aztecs take the W with a couple of late spear throws to the heart of the Uconn players. San Diego State by 2.  

(3) BYU Cougars v. (2) Florida Gators

- Talk about a toss up.  Gators have sheer force and strength on their side, while the cougars have speed and agility.  But can cougars fight in water? No.  Sorry Jimmer, Gators by 7.  

(5) Arizona Wildcats v. (1) Duke Blue Devils

- I'm not exactly sure what Blue Devils are, but there is no doubt that they can take down a bunch of glorified house-cats.  Duke by 15.

(8) Butler Bulldogs v. (4) Wisconsin Badgers

- Would a badger defeat anything in this tournament? I mean, come on, out of all the ferocious members of the animal kingdom you pick an ugly hybrid of a skunk and raccoon?  Plus, don't forget these bulldogs are experienced fighters.  Bulldogs by 5.

- Major

NFL Lockout - Potential Rule Change #1

I'm gonna use the current NFL Lockout as an opportunity to state what changes I would make to the NFL since apparently we have to change kickoffs so that Reich Leader Goodell can implement his 18-game season....

Potential Rule Change #1 - 

Let celebrations happen. I don’t care how absurd Ocho-Johnson is, it’s good TV.  They’re playing in the goddamn NFL, and with all of the concussions people are receiving these days, who knows how long they’ll be celebrating for before they end up like Mohammed Ali (too soon?). 

REBUTTAL!!!!!

- Mr. Brightside

Random 90's Athlete of the Day: Keith Tkachuck

How great is this jersey?

Keith Tkachuk was the Phoenix Coyotes in the 90s. After his team relocated from Winnipeg in 96, Keith led the desert dogs to four straight playoff births to end the decade.  A standout at BU, Keith left the Terriers after two seasons, can't say I blame him, and joined the Winnipeg Jets, now known as the Phoenix Coyotes (soon to be know as the Winnipeg Jets again unless the team starts getting better attendance), for the 91-92 season. Keith went onto score 292 goals in the decade and became one of only 4 American born snipers to hit 500 goals in a career.

To me Keith is remembered for a few reasons. First his name. I would like to buy a vowel. I mean how many people do you know with a silent K in their name, pretty sweet right? 

Second, the consonant cluster graced the cover of one of the most underrated N64 games of all time,  NHL Breakaway 98. I ran train in this game, dangling kids with Keith on the 'Yotes, Joe Sakic and Peter Forsberg on the Avalanche.
    But I think I remember him best for playing in arguably the greatest jersey of the era. This thing is live as hell. The away maroon and black was the better of the two jerseys, but the home white was nothing to sneeze at either. The hieroglyphics looking coyote and border make this thing a classic. Instant 40 swag points to anyone that owns this thing.

-The HoundDog

Cut the Crap #5 - Seattle's "12th Man"

Is this what it's come to for Seahawks fans?  You have no talented enough player to represent your team on the Madden cover, so your representative is the friggin' fanbase?  What is that shit?  Every other team in the league was able to scrap up a player to submit for the cover, even the pathetic likes of Oakland and San Francisco.

You made the playoffs for Christ's sake!  Marshawn Lynch made a
legend of himself with
that insane run.
He should be the guy.
No arguments.

See what I'm saying?

Fans are fans.  Every team has them.  They're all drunk, loud, and obnoxious.  Don't try telling me your fans are drunker, louder, and more obnoxious in Seattle.

Cut the crap, Seahawks.





- Major

Top Ten Disney Channel Original Movies

Remember when you thought these movies were better than sex? Yeah, me neither.


Let's do it.


10) Mom's Got a Date with a Vampire - Van Helsing Jr. basically, right?  Just barely reaches the top 10, but it made the cut for being without a doubt better than Twilight. Sorry ladies, the truth hurts.


9) Phantom of the Megaplex -  Basic plot: There's a sabateur on the loose just absolutely wrecking shit in the movie theatre. Kid saves the day, gets the girl.  Good 'ole Mickey Rooney guest stars basically as his old, senile self.  Solid movie, but nothing too special about it.


8) My Date With the President's Daughter - It's got Eric Matthews in it.  Enough said, right?  No, it gets better: that girl was a friggin smokeshow.  Fun Fact: the smokeshow was in Boy Meets World for an episode and tried to get with Cory! Mindfuck.

7) The Paper Brigade - Remember the days when teenage boys delivered newspapers on bicycles? Yea, me neither. My closest recollection is playing Paperboy on my Sega Genesis. Anyway, this is one of the best, and earliest, of the Disney channel originals. The crazy paintball-wielding old man and shenanigans of the kids make this one of my all time favorites. Check out the whole final scene, and note the line “I just put two bucks [of gas] into this thing. Remember when that was a lot of gas? Yea, me neither. 

6) Don't Look Under the Bed - This movie is down-right creepy as hell.  You have this imaginary friend-turned-boogeyman who's trying to kill you.  Really Walt?  Thanks for all the sleepless nights, bro.


5) Smart House - Same kid from Luck of the Irish does it again.  Two movies in the Top 5, what a stud.  We all loved it since we all secretly wished some provocative woman/machine/house would make us shit on cue.


4) Brink - The staff just had a re-viewing recently of this movie.  It's filled with sexual innuendos.  Asshole on Team X-Blades while threatening Team Pup N' Suds: "It's gonna be open season on your butts!" Hilarious.


3) Johnny Tsunami - Three Things I Learned From This Movie:
- Being Hawaiian makes you a BAMF, especially if you end up in a lame state like Vermont
- You're not a good snowboarder without sick snowboarding clothes
- In the end, snowboarders get the poon, while skiers just look gay


2) Luck of the Irish - The stud Irish high school basketball player overcomes all odds against that douchebag Irish guy who's way too full of himself. Plus Irish Olympics FTW.


1) Halloweentown - This movie just flat-out killed it.  Everyone and their mother watched this movie.  Instant classic.  Drama, horror, comedy... It had it all.  The skeleton cab driver stole the show in my opinion.


Universally Agreed Worst Disney Channel Original Movie: The Color of Friendship -Please Walt, please don't try and preach to me in my Disney Originals. I was 10 and even I knew this shit was overtly trying to get me to broaden my horizons


- The Major, Mr. Brightside, and The HoundDog (Yeah we tag-teamed the fuck out of these Disney movies no homo)

If The NBA Made Sense

You think these things are loosing to some deer?

Have you ever been frustrated by the result of an NBA game? Not because you’re a fan of one of the teams or your favorite player had a bad shooting day. I’m talking about when the result doesn’t make sense.  Like when Milwaukee beats Toronto by double figures. Cause I mean that doesn’t make sense. No way a bunch of deer could take down a gang of Velociraptors, who basically ran shit in the cretaceous period, let alone beat them handedly. I could see if maybe the bucks used their horns and got a couple of lucky take downs at the beginning and made the game close, but no way a raptor loses to an animal who can't even cross the street without dying.


Check back during playoff time for the bracket breakdown, bros.


- Contributed by the HoundDog

Is Crying Ever Okay in Professional Sports?

The recent watery-eyed meltdowns by various Miami Heat members had me thinking: Is crying in professional sports ever okay?

You see players crying in sports games starting from a young age.  Some obnoxious, spoiled kid on my 7 vs 7  soccer team would always be in the parking lot after losing a game, balling his eyes out, and in between the sobs saying, "But I'm the coaches son, why didn't they pass to meeeee?"  I couldn't stand that immature bullshit back then, and I still can't stand it now.

I think there are some situations when crying is acceptable (even expected) in the sports kingdom.  Most of the time though, these crying athletes gotta lay of the Midol and act with some dignity.

Here are two examples of when crying is okay:

1) Adam Morrison crying on the court after losing to UCLA in NCAA March Madness.

I was always a big Adam Morrison fan so I remember watching this game live and watching as Morrison absolutely broke down after his team blew the lead and lost by a bucket.  Watch at 0:10 for Morrison's reaction.  He got a lot of shit for crying, but I support him (The pubey snake on his upper lip I don't support however.) It was a meaningful game.  That was his last chance at March Madness supremacy and he lost a game that he had in the bag.

2) The Celtics crying after losing Game 7 of the 2010 NBA Finals.

I mean, what else would you expect them to do?  If any player on any team is in that situation isn't crying, then something is wrong with them.  The Celts gave their all and left everything on the court.  Of course they were upset.  A rapist just got his fifth ring, I think God was even crying after that game.

To sum it up:  The Heat are embarrassing themselves.  Unless you just lost one of the biggest games of your career, there's excuse for crying.  Pull your shit together.

Weekend Highlights:

1) Lebron's crying!
2) Celtics are streaking!
3) BC's Dancing?
4) Sucks to be Brandon Davies...but at least he got some!
5) Charlie Sheen for President!

Green Street Hooligans - Fútbol at its Finest

If you think Jets fans are fuckin nuts for kickin the piss out of people every now and then, the hooligans of soccer oversees make them look like families following the parade at Disney World.

Green Street Hooligans, starring Elijah Wood (yes, Frodo), highlights the groups of fans (firms) that follow their respective soccer (football?) team. I used to be very skeptical about soccer, only becoming an occasional fan every 4 years for the world cup. But after seeing this movie, I couldn’t help but want to get sucked into this whole culture that soccer has become oversees.

In light of the bullshit circus that the NBA has become with stars whining their ways to the big markets, the threat of a lockout in the NFL thanks to Reich leader Goodell, and the asterisk and steroid filled shit show of MLB, I find the passion and ardor that fans of all teams in the Premier League (England), Serie A (Italy), La Liga (Spain), Bundesliga (Germany), and League Un (France) refreshing and inspiring. Another great part of international soccer is that clubs are allowed to send players on loans, AKA how we received David Beckham. Players don’t bitch and tweet until they get a contract in Milan or Madrid. You go and chill with Christiano Ronaldo in Madrid for 6 months, make some bank, then maybe go back to the Premier League to get torched by Carlos Tevez.

My favorite part of European soccer, without a doubt, is the UEFA Champions League. You don’t get the horse and pony show of most all-star games but instead a tournament of the best teams from all over the continent is held over the course of the regular season in an attempt to find the best team in the world’s most popular sport.

Behind the stars and logos of European soccer, the true backbone of this sport more than any other is the fan base. This movie can’t do justice to the tradition and passion, but it’s a great way to get an idea of how underappreciated soccer is in the US.


- Contributed by Mr. Brightside

Cut the Crap #4 - SparkNotes Summaries

Hey SparkNotes writers, who are you trying to impress? Your target audience is young adults who are pressed for time and are trying to get the basic understanding of the reading they were supposed to do last week. So why are you writing like you’re submitting this to your editor at the New Yorker?

Like look at this verbose bullshit:

"From this provocative opening, Rousseau goes on to describe the myriad ways in which the 'chains' of civil society suppress the natural birthright of man to physical freedom."

Are you kidding me? “Provocative opening”, like was this shit before the comma even necessary? The reader doesn’t give a shit if there’s a smooth transition in there or not. You could write this in bulleted, fragmented sentences and no one would care.

And then “the myriad ways.” I’m surprised whoever’s typing this can use a computer because I’m pretty sure myriad has been outdated since the moon landing. What’s the matter, “many” or “several” wasn’t good enough for you?

So please, SparkNotes staff writers, will you accept the fact that you’re not the next Dickens and write a concise summary for me? The last thing I want to do when I have ten minutes until my reading quiz is pull out my thesaurus, mosey on over to the “m” section, and see who or what a myriad is. 

Cut the crap, SparkNotes. 

- Contributed by The HoundDog

Falling Down in Public Areas

So I'm gonna share something extremely personal right here, right now, for your entertainment:

I was walking up the steps near our campus library, and just absolutely ate it.  Out of nowhere, my boot catches the top of a step and I'm on the freaking ground in less than a second.  And this wasn't one of those graceful falls where you kind of keep going with the flow of your walk and act like it didn't happen.  This was a bad one.  This was a backpack-comes-over-the-top-of-your-head-as-you-lay-on-the-ground-for-a-second-contemplating-whether-it's-even-worth-getting-up-because-of-the-possible-embarrassment type of fall.  I stood up, laughed at myself, and kept going hoping that no one that I knew well had seen.  For the twenty or so people around that did see: I just conceded the fact that I lost twenty potential friends.

This made me think about how people react when they witness someone fall.  There's a couple types of reactions.

1) The "Are you okay?" Fall - This happens when someone either slips on ice or something else that was not directly their fault.  Because of this, the witness to the fall is not worried about causing further embarrassment by acknowledging it, and politely asks if the victim is alright.

2) The "I didn't see that, because if you know I saw it, then you'll feel even worse about yourself" Fall - This happens when a person just completely wipes out.  We're talking my kind of fall.  A fall where people just feel bad when they see you, so to make you feel less bad they pretend they didn't see you.  At first this seems rude.  Ignoring a person who just felt the ground rub against their face.  But unless they're visibly bleeding or spasming on the ground, it's better to just pretend it never happened.


- The Major

Mr. Brightside's Rebuttal to "Cut the Crap #3"

Mr. Brightside's Take on Pizza Pies:

As a pizza messenger expert, mastering my profession at Sopranos Pizzeria in New Milford, NJ, I can affirm that it is in fact proper to refer to pizza as “pies”.  After all, you get a slice of pizza and of course the slice is part of the whole pie.

When we were posed with the problem of a caller asking for “two cheese pizzas”, our call girl was puzzled. Frantic, she put in the order for 2 pies, thinking these people must just be whack. After reading the lady the total of the order, the caller said it couldn’t be right. Apparently she was looking to buy 2 slices of pizza. Besides wanting to avoid this general confusion, we use the term “pies”.

I have a better idea: since any pizza not within the tri-state area, Chicago, or occasional hole-in-the-wall joint in the North End of Boston is legit shit on a plate, from now let the term “pizza pie” denote pizza that is actually consumable and doesn’t make me want to wish I was a bitch and ordered a salad from the pizzeria. 

DISCLAIMER: DOMINOS, PAPER JOHN’S, AND PIZZA HUT DOES NOT COUNT AS GOOD PIZZA. IT’S THE BOTTOM OF THE BARREL.