Random 90s Athlete of the Day: Dennis Rodman

This post is for our boy lil' Naz who recently got in the ring with Captain Casper. Kid's got balls.

Is there a player that personifies random more than Dennis Rodman? Just look at this guys existence. His middle name is Keith. He was one of his father’s 27 children, split between 4 wives. He went from a scrawny 5 ft. 6 in. frosh that couldn’t make the football or basketball team to a 6 ft. 6 in. monster by his senior year.  He then flunks out of community college and gets a second chance at Southeastern Oklahoma State, probably because they had a couple Bio majors down on the block and the janitor running the point. He goes on to play 3 solid years for the Savages (yup that was their mascot, no surprise that they are now the Savage Storm, which really doesn't make sense, like is it raining indians or what?), and ends up staying in school long enough to get drafted and play in the NBA. He then winds up on two of the best teams of the decade, the two time NBA champion Pistons in the early 90’s and Jordan’s Bulls later on, and wins 5 rings. He wore the numbers 91, 70, and 73, probably the most remarkable achievement of his career. He dyed his hair every one of Crayola’s 133 colors. He got with Carmen Electra and Madonna. He wore a wedding dress to promote his book, and he was a part time-wrestler who got in the ring with Macho Man Randy Savage. There is nothing normal about this guy.

Despite what you may think of Rodman, he was a great player. He was a 5 time champion and is arguably the best rebounder ever. His achievements were recently recognized when he was enshrined in the Naismith Memorial Basketball Hall of Fame, receiving validation for a very decorated career. 

Random 90s Athlete of the Day: Joe McEwing

Super Joe broke into the league in '99 with the Cardinals and had a remarkable rookie season. The guy was as scrappy as they come, playing every position but pitcher and catcher in his rookie campaign. He slugged .275 with 9 home-runs and 141 hits, a third of his career total. Joe also had a 25 game hit streak and finished 5th in NL Rookie of the Year Voting. He was traded to the Mets the next year where he played for 5 seasons and even made a World Series appearance in 2000 before calling it a career.

Joe is known for the way he just abused future hall of famer Randy Johnson throughout his career. The legend started in 2000, when Joe went 4-6 against the Big Unit with 3 doubles, a homerun, and 4 RBI's.

I'm talking about him today because he might have one of the sickest highlight reels of all time. Check it out.

The combination of the Foo Fighters grunge guitar and the action pics of Joe are just majestic.


If after reading this post Joe McEwing became your favorite player, you should sign this petition, and send Joe to Cooperstown where he belongs.


HoundDog

The Lamb Shake

Forget the John Wall, forget the dougie, and forget the bernie because the Lamb Shake is where it's at right now. This move is about to take off in clubs everywhere if UCONN wins a couple more games and Lamb's doing this thing with a piece of Reliant Stadium's net in his hand. Jeremy Lamb is killing it up at Storrs as a freshman, both on the hardwood and on the dance floor. Brandon Knight and Kentucky better watch out because who knows what kind of head fakes and crossovers this kid can pull off in the lane with dance moves like that at his disposal.

COME ON, COME ON, COME ON!

We get it Mark, you're jacked.  Put a shirt on, please.  God bless the person who told Marky to stick to acting.  Is there footage from The Fighter in here? I wasn't sure.  Anyone want to bring back the "humping the ground" dance move?

Dance-off!!

Who wins this stadium dance off? The creepy Ottawa Senators fan jamming out with his bro to a little Rebecca Black, or the kid going bonkers at the Celtic's game after he had his first beer. No matter who you pick you still have to give props to the kid who gets up from next to his mom and starts absolutely tearing shit up in his section, working the crowd like a champ. That must have been really weird for him once the song was over and he went back to just looking like that kid from All That.

Random 90's Athlete of the Day: Eric Moulds

Moulds is one of the greatest players to ever lace ‘em up for New York’s third team (the only one really in New York). After three years at Mississippi State in which he tallied over 2,000 yards and 17 touchdowns, Moulds bolted from Starkville, Mississippi and entered the NFL draft.

Moulds was picked up 24^th overall by Buffalo, and the rest is history. Moulds was named All-Pro twice, went to 3 Pro Bowls, and was named to Buffalo’s 50h Anniversary Team, not bad for a late first round pick.

        
 Moulds was a consummate professional. The complete opposite of the man selected first overall in 1996, Keyshawn, or MeShawn, Johnson. Mould went to work everyday, caught touchdowns, and went home.  He didn’t have any of the off field shenanigans that Keyshawn had, and as a result Moulds remained under the radar.

Interestingly enough, in roughly the same amount of games, Moulds recorded 764 catches, 9,995 yards, and 49 scores, while Keyshawn recorded 818 cathces, 10,571, and 64 scores. Not as far apart as you would think given their name recognition. Moulds reminds me a lot of the man drafted at 19 in the same round, Marvin Harrison. Both guys were pro's pros.

Moulds formed a deadly 1-2 punch with the burner out of Knoxville, Peerless Price. Moulds and Peerless Price spread out wide with Doug Flutie behind center led the Bills to a couple of their most successful seasons in recent memory. They made back playoff appearances in 1998 and 1999. They  haven't made it back to the big dance since.

Moulds finished up with stints in Houston and Tennessee, but he will always be remembered as a Bill, it just looked wrong seeing him with that strange looking bovine creature and then that asteroid with a "T" on it on his helmet.

-The HoundDog

Random 90's Athlete of the Day: Keith Tkachuck

How great is this jersey?

Keith Tkachuk was the Phoenix Coyotes in the 90s. After his team relocated from Winnipeg in 96, Keith led the desert dogs to four straight playoff births to end the decade.  A standout at BU, Keith left the Terriers after two seasons, can't say I blame him, and joined the Winnipeg Jets, now known as the Phoenix Coyotes (soon to be know as the Winnipeg Jets again unless the team starts getting better attendance), for the 91-92 season. Keith went onto score 292 goals in the decade and became one of only 4 American born snipers to hit 500 goals in a career.

To me Keith is remembered for a few reasons. First his name. I would like to buy a vowel. I mean how many people do you know with a silent K in their name, pretty sweet right? 

Second, the consonant cluster graced the cover of one of the most underrated N64 games of all time,  NHL Breakaway 98. I ran train in this game, dangling kids with Keith on the 'Yotes, Joe Sakic and Peter Forsberg on the Avalanche.
    But I think I remember him best for playing in arguably the greatest jersey of the era. This thing is live as hell. The away maroon and black was the better of the two jerseys, but the home white was nothing to sneeze at either. The hieroglyphics looking coyote and border make this thing a classic. Instant 40 swag points to anyone that owns this thing.

-The HoundDog

Top Ten Disney Channel Original Movies

Remember when you thought these movies were better than sex? Yeah, me neither.


Let's do it.


10) Mom's Got a Date with a Vampire - Van Helsing Jr. basically, right?  Just barely reaches the top 10, but it made the cut for being without a doubt better than Twilight. Sorry ladies, the truth hurts.


9) Phantom of the Megaplex -  Basic plot: There's a sabateur on the loose just absolutely wrecking shit in the movie theatre. Kid saves the day, gets the girl.  Good 'ole Mickey Rooney guest stars basically as his old, senile self.  Solid movie, but nothing too special about it.


8) My Date With the President's Daughter - It's got Eric Matthews in it.  Enough said, right?  No, it gets better: that girl was a friggin smokeshow.  Fun Fact: the smokeshow was in Boy Meets World for an episode and tried to get with Cory! Mindfuck.

7) The Paper Brigade - Remember the days when teenage boys delivered newspapers on bicycles? Yea, me neither. My closest recollection is playing Paperboy on my Sega Genesis. Anyway, this is one of the best, and earliest, of the Disney channel originals. The crazy paintball-wielding old man and shenanigans of the kids make this one of my all time favorites. Check out the whole final scene, and note the line “I just put two bucks [of gas] into this thing. Remember when that was a lot of gas? Yea, me neither. 

6) Don't Look Under the Bed - This movie is down-right creepy as hell.  You have this imaginary friend-turned-boogeyman who's trying to kill you.  Really Walt?  Thanks for all the sleepless nights, bro.


5) Smart House - Same kid from Luck of the Irish does it again.  Two movies in the Top 5, what a stud.  We all loved it since we all secretly wished some provocative woman/machine/house would make us shit on cue.


4) Brink - The staff just had a re-viewing recently of this movie.  It's filled with sexual innuendos.  Asshole on Team X-Blades while threatening Team Pup N' Suds: "It's gonna be open season on your butts!" Hilarious.


3) Johnny Tsunami - Three Things I Learned From This Movie:
- Being Hawaiian makes you a BAMF, especially if you end up in a lame state like Vermont
- You're not a good snowboarder without sick snowboarding clothes
- In the end, snowboarders get the poon, while skiers just look gay


2) Luck of the Irish - The stud Irish high school basketball player overcomes all odds against that douchebag Irish guy who's way too full of himself. Plus Irish Olympics FTW.


1) Halloweentown - This movie just flat-out killed it.  Everyone and their mother watched this movie.  Instant classic.  Drama, horror, comedy... It had it all.  The skeleton cab driver stole the show in my opinion.


Universally Agreed Worst Disney Channel Original Movie: The Color of Friendship -Please Walt, please don't try and preach to me in my Disney Originals. I was 10 and even I knew this shit was overtly trying to get me to broaden my horizons


- The Major, Mr. Brightside, and The HoundDog (Yeah we tag-teamed the fuck out of these Disney movies no homo)

If The NBA Made Sense

You think these things are loosing to some deer?

Have you ever been frustrated by the result of an NBA game? Not because you’re a fan of one of the teams or your favorite player had a bad shooting day. I’m talking about when the result doesn’t make sense.  Like when Milwaukee beats Toronto by double figures. Cause I mean that doesn’t make sense. No way a bunch of deer could take down a gang of Velociraptors, who basically ran shit in the cretaceous period, let alone beat them handedly. I could see if maybe the bucks used their horns and got a couple of lucky take downs at the beginning and made the game close, but no way a raptor loses to an animal who can't even cross the street without dying.


Check back during playoff time for the bracket breakdown, bros.


- Contributed by the HoundDog

Cut the Crap #4 - SparkNotes Summaries

Hey SparkNotes writers, who are you trying to impress? Your target audience is young adults who are pressed for time and are trying to get the basic understanding of the reading they were supposed to do last week. So why are you writing like you’re submitting this to your editor at the New Yorker?

Like look at this verbose bullshit:

"From this provocative opening, Rousseau goes on to describe the myriad ways in which the 'chains' of civil society suppress the natural birthright of man to physical freedom."

Are you kidding me? “Provocative opening”, like was this shit before the comma even necessary? The reader doesn’t give a shit if there’s a smooth transition in there or not. You could write this in bulleted, fragmented sentences and no one would care.

And then “the myriad ways.” I’m surprised whoever’s typing this can use a computer because I’m pretty sure myriad has been outdated since the moon landing. What’s the matter, “many” or “several” wasn’t good enough for you?

So please, SparkNotes staff writers, will you accept the fact that you’re not the next Dickens and write a concise summary for me? The last thing I want to do when I have ten minutes until my reading quiz is pull out my thesaurus, mosey on over to the “m” section, and see who or what a myriad is. 

Cut the crap, SparkNotes. 

- Contributed by The HoundDog

Random 90's Athlete of the Day: Jeff Bagwell

Wikipedia lists Jeff Bagwell’s nickname as "BagPipes".  Now I hate to go against the site that basically put me through high school, but for once I’m calling Wikipedia out. I mean has anyone ever called him BagPipes. That’s pretty lame. I mean did pitchers not throw inside to Bagwell because they didn’t want him to charge the mound in his kilt and beat their brains in with an outdated woodwind instrument?  


His nickname should clearly be Jeff Swagwell. This guy just oozes swag. Look at his batting stance. He basically told Tom Emanski and his back to back to back AAU National Championships to back off when it comes to prototypical batting stances. Swagwell dominated the National League in the 90’s alongside arguably the scrappiest player of all time, Craig Biggio. I miss waking up before school, turning on Sportscenter, and watching Swag absolutely tattoo a ball out of the Astro Dome. 




-The HoundDog